


Better Than a Good Thing

by thisdorkyficthing



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, M/M, Sad Loki, Sad sad saaaaaaaaaaaad, quick fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-05
Updated: 2013-03-05
Packaged: 2017-12-04 08:43:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/708787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisdorkyficthing/pseuds/thisdorkyficthing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He should’ve done this sooner, honestly. When Thor had just only started giving him those dopey looks and kissing Loki every chance he got. But Loki let himself get swept off his feet, even if felt hollow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Than a Good Thing

**Author's Note:**

> I used [this song](http://thisdorkyblogthing.tumblr.com/post/43914103107/emilyisit-delta-rae-if-i-loved-you) for the title and listened to it while I wrote this.

Loki stood over Thor, watched the steady rise and fall of his chest, lingered on the serene look on his face, the barest hint of a smile curving his lips as he slept so utterly peacefully. Loki took a deep shuddering breath and turned before he did something stupid like climb back in bed beside him, try harder to absorb the warmth and happiness that seeped from Thor’s skin.

Instead, he quietly pulled open the top drawer of his dresser and stuffed as much of his clothes as he could into a duffle bag. He slid it shut with another breath and silently stepped out of the room. He set the bag by the door before rooting around for paper and a pen and sitting down on their couch when he finally found them.

Words flowed from him as soon as the pen hit paper, they were disjointed and  he knew he could’ve at least planned this part out better. He should’ve, it was the least that he could do. But it felt truer this way, the sentences less forced and stilted. Less melodramatic.

A wayward tear fell on the page, smearing the ink it rolled on. 

Loki sniffed and wiped it away. It was better this way, for Thor. 

He should’ve done this sooner, honestly. When Thor had just only started giving him those dopey looks and kissing Loki every chance he got. But Loki let himself get swept off his feet, even if felt hollow.

He’d never been swept off his feet. He’d never been loved so fully and wholesomely by someone before, he couldn’t help but be pulled in by it. All his other relationships had been with people like him, bitter, callous and just miserable in general. Every relationship left Loki’s heart a little colder and harder than before. He couldn’t love right anymore.

And that’s why he had to leave. Thor didn’t deserve that. 

He wiped another tear off the page. Thor deserved to love someone who could love him back, fully and truly. Sure, Loki could pretend. Hell, he’d be happy to have a pretend love for Thor for the rest of his life. He could even see it, sometimes. 

There’d be a little house, bright and open and welcoming. A dog and maybe even a kid or two. But there’s something wrong with Loki in that image. He didn’t fit in there. It was heartbreaking. 

Thor deserved that. He wasn’t perfect, sure. He was arrogant sometimes, stubborn, and straightforward to the point of being a bit dim, but there was so much love and kindness bellow that, that it seemed to blot out his flaws. And those flaws could be smoothed away in time, with a bit more growing up.

Loki’s flaws were countless and could only worsen with time.

He sighed brokenly. He sniffed again and ripped the page from the notebook and folded the page carefully, wrote Thor’s name on the front even more carefully. He timidly kissed the paper, right over the ink before setting aside the notebook and pen and standing. He slowly walked back into the bedroom, being careful to not step anywhere the floor creaked.

Maybe Loki had become obvious, the past few weeks had felt like they were building up to this. Thor still looked at him with every ounce of love he could muster, but there was something else to it. He watched Loki in a different way. The way he held and kissed Loki felt desperate, as if he was silently telling Loki to stay. He and Thor had made love earlier that night, he wasn’t sure if it was for himself or for Thor. Thor held him close the entire time, his lips never left Loki’s skin. It felt like a plea.

He stood and watched Thor again. Part of him wanted him to wake up right now, ask Loki what he was doing and pull him back into bed. And Loki would stay, selfishly stay and let Thor love him like no one else has ever had or ever would and give absolutely nothing in return.

A tear slid down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away. For once, Loki didn’t  _want_  to be selfish. He wanted Thor to be happy.

He set the not down on the nightstand. Before he thought better of it, he brushed a few locks of blonde hair from Thor’s face, gently pushing them behind his ear. Thor smiled in his sleep, hummed softly and Loki felt the lump in his throat get bigger. He pulled away quickly and carefully stepped back out, closing the door behind him.

He let out a silent, shaking sob as he walked to the front door and picked up his bag and slung it on his shoulder. His arms felt heavy as he grabbed the handle and turned it. The finality of his every move twisted around his chest, squeezed it tightly like a snake and made it hard to breath. 

The door shut behind him with a soft click, it felt deafening in the silent hallway.

His legs moved like lead as he made his way to the elevator. He told himself over and over that this would be better. Somehow it would be.

It didn’t silence the part of him that hoped Thor would search for him. That there would be some miracle and Thor would find him, scoop him up in his strong arms and drag him back and continue to love Loki like no one else ever would.

He stepped into the elevator as soon as the doors opened. He sunk to the floor seconds later, sobs wracking his body.

_It would be better this way._


End file.
